Long Island, NY - After hearing the news that Frank Lampard would again be delayed in making his debut for New York City FC, fan Simeon Goddel decided that the only way that he would be able to watch the City Financial Group player would be through the use of copious drugs.

"I took a crap load of acid, had a friend of mine turn on a Manchester City game and just pretended like they were playing against the New England Revolution until I believed it." said Goddel. "It was amazing. Lampard was life, color and taste all rolled into an electric god-being descended from heaven. He played with the power of 10,000 mules and NYCFC won by 36 goals that had the look of raspberries."

While Lampard is sidelined again after his inexorable transfer delay from the beginning of the season, Goddel said that he plans on repeating his trick until he sees the player on the field for NYCFC.

"If this is the only way that I can see Lampard play for my team, then I'm going to continue watching old replays of him playing and taking copious amounts of Acid until the sky blue of City melts into the sky blue of New York City"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this story as.... whoa.... dude........ ..... yeah.....