WASHINGTON - A proposed peace building group therapy session between different members of D.C. United’s supporters groups was reportedly cancelled after the supporters couldn’t agree on a time, place, therapist or name for the group.

“I told everyone that true United fans use Dr. Feldman and only fucking front office, boot kissing shills would use Dr. Allen,” stated one anonymous D.C. United fan.

Speaking individually to our reporter, long time fans indicate that the therapy session was supposed to work out the differences between different groups in the supporters section but fell apart due to acrimony over literally every single decision.

“Some of this goes back to the time 14 years ago when Bob wouldn’t listen to the Carlos about some Eskandarian display he wanted to do. This is some old blood shit,” stated one fan who refused to be identified.

“I wasn’t going to go to therapy if the group was called United Together Eagles For Change” stated one fan who identified himself via emails as RFKOldHead. “This was a deliberate attempt to sabotage all the gains we built during the mediation sessions over whether this would be a Freudian therapy session, primal scream therapy, or perhaps some kind of Ayahuasca ceremony in a specialty built Quonset hut on the field in RFK Stadium.”

Arguments reportedly broke out immediately over the date as the groups had different opinions on the availability of members and whether Friday was a good day to do anything with the weekend coming up.

“MONDAY IS A DAY FOR DICKHEADS,” read a particularly sternly worded email that was allegedly sent around to the leaders of the Monday Movement Society, a paramilitary organization dedicated to decentralized therapy and spreading the blame.

With talks breaking down, fans say they are returning to their regular online and in-person sniping at each other as leaders work towards another tense peace.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as dream journals are passed out to all season ticket holders in the supporters group section.