NEW YORK - While performing his first press conference as the new head coach of New York City FC, Patrick Vieira promised a transfer warchest to find new players in an effort to fix the playing woes of NYCFC from last year before he was cut off at the microphone and informed that the league doesn't work that way.
"Wait, can I see that rule in writing? No? It was just changed? Ok."
"I was apparently mistaken as to the way in which the league works" stated Vieira to reporters immediately after. "I now promise to have my scouting team look really hard at $100k per year fullbacks while trying to balance the playing time of my $90k a year midfielders and finding a forward that can score semi-regularly as a backup but who also won't unbalance the salary cap considerations that we have to manage against the high dollar veterans that we brought in from Spain and Italy. We are also, apparently, exploring all the possible permutations of allocation money, targeted allocation money and super targeted allocation money, and double, super-secret targeted allocation money to buy down our current players in order to bring a fringe NASL player in that may or may not be the key to our team this season."