Experts around the country, today, agreed that the missed handball call in the recent Peru versus Brazil game was a direct sign of the lack of promotion and relegation in the United States.
Photo: AP
"This is a travesty," stated Sloan Kimberly, director of the Promotion and Relegation Is The Cause or Result or Sympton of Everything Foundation. "If Promotion and Relegation was in place, the handball would have been called, Brazil would advance, the stadiums in the United States would have been full, Canada would have made the Copa America and we would see a better standard of refereeing. Of this there is no doubt."
The Nutmeg News spoke to Harry Hannover, a Brookins Institute fellow, about this issue and he had the following to say.
"It is absolutely without a shadow of a doubt the symptom of a lack of promotion and relegation that we continue to have these problems. The anthem difficulties, the advertising kerfuffle with Adidas, these are all symptoms from the same rotten fruit. That is, a lack of promotion and relegation. If this is put in place, the tournament would nestle warm in the bosom of the United States and suckle upon the teat of royalty and all of man and woman alike would frolic in the endearing embrace of the Copa America."
While many self-fashioned experts conclude on this, others are doubtful as a random man at the Goddard Space Flight Center stated, "You are all clinically insane and I have to ask you to leave."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the ills of society fall squarely upon the shoulders of a lack of promotion and relegation.