Fort Wayne, IN - 27 year old soccer fan Isaac Bouchard reportedly stammered, "That Altidore Nipple Thing Is Crazy..So Crazy, um...... You Wouldn't Be Into That, Would You?" to his girlfriend Paula while watching the United States play El Salvador on Thursday night.

"So, um.................. That's totally crazy.... unless that's something you are into..... I'm not saying that I'M into it... I'm just saying it's crazy... right? Or maybe not!"

Bouchard took the opportunity availed to him by the frenetic nipple twisting and biting on the field to broach the subject of bondage, discipline, and his expanding sexual kinks with his long time girlfriend of 8 months who reportedly had a look of confusion on her face as Bouchard rambled on about how, "I could totally see how nipple play could be a nice addition to a bedroom for some people, although I'm not saying that would be us, and isn't that a great play by Jozy there! BOOM!"

The Nutmeg News spoke to girlfriend Paula Delebridge about this and she stated the following, "He came to me on his birthday last month and said he wanted to try something weird and unusual for the special event. He said he wanted things to get messy. So I went up stairs and grabbed some chocolate sauce, some sprinkles, some whipped cream, a spatula to help spread stuff around and then came downstairs only to find that he had laid out a Barcelona kit on the bed for me to wear and he was standing against the wall holding his hands over his member. I... um... I just don't even know."

Bouchard, for his part, explained, "I see those guys in the wall ready for a freekick covering their junk and I have to think that the tension and fear of where that ball is going must be so overwhelming. It could hit anywhere, even hit so hard that your hands cant hold back that sudden surge of pain and endorphin that I'm sure a percentage of players actually enjoy and I've always wondered if that's something I'd enjoy and maybe Paula would enjoy doing to someone, unless it sounds weird in which case I'm going to go sign up for a local rec league here in a little bit."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Bouchard takes time to explain his system of red and yellow cards for the bedroom.