Cincinnati, OH - F.C. Cincinnati fan Desmond Taylor admitted that he is preparing for the upcoming 2019 Major League Soccer (MLS) season by complaining about MLS Referees and the league structure in order to get used to doing so six months from now.
“DAMMIT TOLEDO!”
“TED UNKEL IS A JOKE,” screamed Taylor into a mirror as he flipped off the reflection of himself in his one bedroom apartment. “These player acquisition rules make no sense!”
Taylor reportedly started this regiment after trying to figure out how F.C. Cincinnati would attempt to enter the league and sign players in a league where chaos is a viable team acquisition methodology.
“It’s important to get used to the madness in advance,” stated Los Angeles FC fan Simon West. “In preparation for the season I drank copious amounts of booze after 7:00 pm and watched extremely heartbreaking movies. While we haven’t had too many reasons to be sad this season, all my hard work really helped during those tough times.”
For his part, Taylor is already planning on starting a booze, stretching and yoga plan to cope with the toll that the games will take on his body.
“I started a couch to MLS program that really emphasizes slowly upping your tolerance to all this crap,” stated Taylor. “I’m upping my consumption to a quart on/quart off whisky regiment and I’m learning how to scream all the referees names, while working on my hydration skills by overpaying my bartenders for Bud Light. It’s been tough, but it will pay off in the end.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Taylor schedules a road trip to MLS cities in order to pre-plan his drinking route through the city for the time when F.C. Cincinnati lose to an Eastern division team after Hilario Grajeda gives FCC a terrible red card and they give up after 78 minutes.