Portland, OR - Timbers fan Hank Bowman stated, “finally, my moment has come,” after hearing President Trump state that a scarf would work as good as a mask to prevent against the COVID-19 pandemic.
ENSCONCED IN SCARVES
"I knew there would be a time, but that time is here,” stated Bowman to our reporter on Skype. “I’m bringing up the eBay shop and now I will finally get my revenge on everyone made fun of me for collecting these things over the past 5 years.”
Bowman reportedly started collecting scarves back in 2015 when he started following the Timbers on their way to MLS Cup. He then extended his collection via eBay as he desperately attempted to collect vintage scarves from 2011.
“They all laughed at my totes and number system,” stated Bowman. “But who is laughing NOW! I alone hold the key to purification. I alone hold the key to a healthy life. And I alone have a limited fringe edition Timbers Army scarf that will protect everyone from the disease sweeping the nation.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Bowman accidentally bids on one of his own scarves that he is selling online.