St Louis, MO - Soccer fan Dale Edwards of St Louis stated, “If the country is imploding, everyone hates everything and nothing really matters then no one can judge me when I switch from rooting for Manchester United to Liverpool this season,” as he replaced his Manchester United scarf with a Liverpool scarf and pulled on a Mohammed Salah kit.
(Image: Offside Sports Photography)
“Words have no meaning, actions are lies, everything we’ve ever grown up with is a con based upon a lie that is ending and every idea is stolen from everyone else so you’ll pardon me if I decide that I’m trading in my vintage Ryan Giggs kit for a vintage Kenny Dalglish kit.”
Friends state that the dissatisfaction with literally everything surrounding him lead Edwards to a bold decision in his sporting life.
“He LEFT the facebook group,” stated Manchester United fan Paul Williams. “WHO DOES THAT?! WHO SWITCHES TEAMS LIKE THIS? ESPECIALLY THESE TEAMS? WHAT THE HELL?”
For his part, Edwards stated, “This is my bag of soup and it feeds my family. Fuck off. I’ll root for whatever I want until I get bored with them and then I’ll throw all their gear into a fire in order to consume more goods in the future. Everything must end, somehow.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Edwards pretends like he is going to move to any country anywhere else before realizing he doesn’t have any skills that would allow him to do that in the first place.