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Dear Friends,

I gave up watching kitten videos on youtube for this? Tons of you soccer friends were trying to convince me that Portland v Seattle was a good time to watch MLS. That I should tune in for the best rivalry in the league. That watching this game as a neutral was a good idea, but all I watched was that scene from the Simpsons play out over and over (SIMPSONS DID IT) before I finally got bored.

Usually with a rivalry there is bad blood, or at least an attempt to play hard. This was an unmitigated waste of my evening. Now, I stuck with it. I managed to make it to the end of the game, but the very fact that some of you (LARRY and STEPHEN) made me give up my evening of Mad Men and Game of Thrones for this shit makes me want to nut you.

Talk up the rivalry in the stands all you want, fans of MLS, but on the field you couldn't tell if this was intramural warm ups between DeVry University and Gateway Technical College in Kenosha or the Boston Red Sox versus the New York Yankees.

It was dull, deal with it.

Fortunately, at 90+ minutes I was able to check out, cleanse my palate with some pictures of corgi dogs dressed up as cowboys and then watch some good television.

Never Again.

Thanks for nothing soccer fans,

Ronald T Sutherland

Des Moines, IA