Unsatisfied Don Garber Watches Replay Of Weeping Oakland Athletics Fans While Ranting, "This Could've Been Columbus"

NEW YORK - An unsatisfied Major League Soccer (MLS) Commissioner Don Garber watched the replay of weeping Oakland Athletics fans as he claimed, “this could’ve been Columbus,” as he verbally decimated the owner operators in Major League Soccer for denying him this pleasure.

“We were just a few months away from this,” stated Garber to the collected billionaires. “You could taste the depression, sadness and apathy in the air.”

Sources say that Garber ranted and raved as he slowly realized his inability to sample the abject sadness that comes from having a club ripped away from your city by an indifferent billionaire.

“The possibility was there,” stated Garber. “I would sup at their misery with a straw. It could’ve happened. And now every trophy that they win I have to stand there as they boo me when all I wanted to do was increase the profit margin of the league by decimating local soccer in one very small geographical area.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Garber eyes San Jose with malicious intent.

"Pochettino OUT," Demands USMNT Fan

Cincinnati, OH - Claiming, “He needs to be responsible for this debacle,” USMNT fan Joe Henderson took to Twitter, Threads, Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, Blue Sky, Mastodon and Discord to proclaim POCHETTINO OUT.

“Here we go again!”

Despite the Mauricio Pochettino not actually having been the head coach for a single game, yet, Henderson stated that he should accept blame for the recent loss to Canada and tie to New Zealand.

“This is just an example of why the United States must pick up a more experienced international head coach,” stated Henderson online. “Only the best coach in the world can get the best out of our players who are not playing up to their full potential. It’s not the players fault, it’s the head coach and the federation.”

Sources say that Henderson blamed Pochettino for not connecting to the local underserved youth players and having favorites.

“I don’t care if he hasn’t been a head coach yet,” stated Henderson. “It’s clear that he already has a cabal of players who know that they don’t have to play hard to make this team. It’s just like when he was a head coach at Spurs.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this even though it already is happening.