Houston, TX - Dynamo fan Ralph Westbrook admitted to his friends that he was tortured by the knowledge that, "We Are 16 Not Given Penalty Kicks Away From First".

We just really wanted to use this picture for some reason. There's so much going on here.

Mr. Westbrook stated, "If we hadn't lost 13 times we would have won some of those games. If you convert 13 losses into wins we would be winning the supporters shield! Think about that!? There were a number of times throughout the season where we should have earned a penalty kick. If we got just one or two penalty kicks that would change the game and we wouldn't have lost 13 times. We should be winning the league, clearly. We are just a disadvantaged and unlucky team that lost through a variety of reasons."

While some would consider it faulty logic to say that all you had to do was not do what you did all season long, Mr. Westbrook continued, "Think about some of those games. All we had to do was not give up that Kevin Doyle goal against Colorado and not give up that penalty and we would WIN that game! Have you ever thought of that? It was two poor decisions by the referee and a complete freak accident that Doyle scored. The whole thing was bullshit anyway.

Or how about that Alan Gordon headed goal that made us lose 1-0. That was crap too. We should have the win when Garcia nearly chipped the ball into Will. That was just some more bad luck. If those two losses were wins, and we had acquired Drobga, and our defense didn't give up 45 goals we would be in first place. I'll take that even further. If LA didn't hire Bruce Arena, and we hadn't given up on Dom Kinnear and we acquired Lionel Messi when he was a youth and Landon Donovan and Pele, we would be #1 in the universe. Did you ever think of that? No? The Dynamo are just a victim of a massive fraud in the league. All we needed this season was to not lose 13 times and get 16 penalty kicks."

The Nutmeg News will have more from Mr. Westbrook when he comes back to reality and realizes that the record shows what your team is, not what you want them to be by spinning results that already happened.