Salt Lake, UT - Speaking on the topic of player wages, free agency and owners concerns, Real Salt Lake (RSL) owner Dell Loy Hansen was found by the tabloids to be dressed in an all black suit, a top hat, and a curled mustachio.

This persona was such a serious departure from the norm for Mr Hansen that The Nutmeg News reached out to him to ask why there was such a change.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

"Well, the owners of Major League Soccer (MLS) wanted to send a message that we will not be taken advantage of by the indentured poor that we employ in our services. If they wanted a living wage then let them work in the fields, in the hospitals or in the one of my many opportunities with property development. Why back in my day a man could live comfortably for the rest of his life on 36,000 dollars."

When asked about his quote from a recent ESPN700 interview "When you look at all the owners, they've all been in pro basketball, baseball, football, and that (ED - FREE AGENCY) was the one thing they all vowed they'd never do is go through that again."

Mr Hansen replied, "Look, we are a collection of mostly paunchy, ego inflated, rich, white guys. None of us want to A: Give up complete control of the league, B: Spend our own money and C: have to open ourselves to the criticism of owners that free agency brings. It seems stupid when we control everything about this league to give up control. We tell the players where to go, we tell them where they live, we tell them where they can play or not, I don't give a flying fuck about the little guy, instead lets eat some caviar off their backs. PROFITS, my good man. Wait, is this thing being recorded?"

Mr Hansen then yelled "CURSES, Foiled AGAIN!" and abruptly hung up the phone.