St Louis - Manchester United fan Donald Gustofson vigorously derided the quality of the recent St Louis versus Pittsburgh Riverhounds despite not actually watching it.

"It was awful, pure awful" said Gustofson. "I knew it would be awful so I didn't go, I mean I know they are terrible players and because they are terrible players I knew that it wouldn't be worth watching. I'm pretty sure that they lost by two goals and no one showed up. Also, their right back is probably terrible. I'd rather spend my time waking up really early to watch United v City. Look, everyone knows that if they were good they would be in Europe. No good players play in the United States, ever."

St Louis Fans Definitely Not Having Any Fun

When informed that the fledgling USL team tied the game 1-1 and that there were over 5,000 people at the game Mr Gustofson said, "Look, I'm not going to actually GO to a game unless I know it is quality. I'm sure the people there are willing to shell out their hard earned cash to sit and watch a bunch of crap players running around on the field, but I am not one of those people. My time is way too precious to go watch other teams. Plus my grandfather's best friend's sister was born in Manchester. I have ties there."

When informed that he could watch the game online for free Mr Gustofson laughed and said "I had a full schedule on Saturday, I watched a replay of Barcelona and Real Madrid from 10 years ago and then I watched the Champions League final from 2013 before watching re-runs of Judge Judy and a marathon on the DYI network. No time. No time available at all."