LOS ANGELES - Confusing nearly all of the assembled fans in attendance, the Los Angeles Football Club march to the match actually went nowhere on Monday.
WHAT TIME IS THE GAME!?
"I thought that we were actually going somewhere LITERALLY, not metaphorically" said director of Human Resources for Jerry's Cruller and Donut shop in Glendale, Sandra Greenderson. "We lined up, got our scarves, held the banner, posed for the picture and then we just walked, and then we stopped, and then we went home. I mean maybe there was a game that I missed? It seemed all very odd to have a march to the match that went nowhere."
Unaware that the march to the match was just a simple photo opportunity, Dale Brennen, was ready to go by the time he hit the streets, "I ... WAS.... TRASHED... BRO. Totally, TOTALLY ready to go. I wanted to see the boys out there, get them all hyyped and just get wrecked on shots, goals, and bud-light-lime. It was absolutely time to get crazy out there for the game, but I didn't find out we didn't have a game until somehow I was heading back to my car to drive home. What a bummer. I spent the rest of the night talking trash to the rest of the teams in MLS online and watching some porn."
Meanwhile, some fans were waiting all night for autographs of players that they weren't sure if they actually had in the first place. Thomas Sonder had the following to say, "I mean it is MLS, no-one really knows all the scrub players that end up on your team, but they are your scrub players. I didn't know if they were going to show up because I didn't know we didn't have any and that the team isn't really doing anything for another three years. Oh well, I'll go to the beach now and they can call me when 2018 rolls around."
The Nutmeg News will have more on the exploits of LAFC as the next three years unfolds.