CHICAGO - Fire Fan Drew MacGrady is continuing his slow descent into insanity by insisting that "everything is fine, trust ownership" after the Fire's apathetic 1-0 loss to the Columbus Crew on Wednesday night.
"We may not look like the best, but they have plans to make us the best. And even though they haven't done anything at all that would give us any indication of a positive trend and we have objectively gotten completely worse over the last few years, we still should trust that they know what they are doing" said MacGrady to confused people in the concourse after the loss.
Mr. MacGrady has gotten so fed up with disappointed fans that he has taken to picketing his own supporters by holding up "Fire fans out, except me" two-sticks and a "Andrew Hauptman Took My Mom Out For A Nice Steak Dinner And He Was Lovely" banner.
"It is important to know that we don't know what they know. Hauptman is GOD," screamed MacGrady towards the Harlem End at the 86th minute of the game while holding up his two-sticks and berating everyone around him that wasn't booing the supporters who were watching as the Fire struggled to connect passes and do anything more than lump the ball up field with the speed of a rabid jackalope.
"None of those assholes know what they know, what they think I think about what they should know. The ownership are trying, they are suffering for this club, all the fans do is hand over money. I think we should give over more of our money. MORE MONEY FOR HAUPTMAN. MORE MONEY FOR HAUPTMAN!"
Despite having the worst points per game in the league and an inability to have a game plan other than "Hit it deep and pray" MacGrady is still confident that this will all turn around.
"People call me crazy, but I'll be that one man army for Andrew Hauptman. Granted he has never won anything and we are just spinning our wheels in the league, but when we win the US Open Cup it will completely validate his seemingly horrific choices nearly everywhere else. And then I will use that information to berate my fellow fans because they are all wrong."
The Nutmeg News will continue to monitor the slow decline of Mr MacGrady and the Fire as it happens.