Atlanta, GA - Head coach of the United States Men's National Team and Jay Goppingen apologist, Jurgen Klinsmann, was found to literally be on the hot seat after a toilet malfunction on his plush 24 karat gold heated toilet seat pushed the temperatures in excess of "pleasurably warm".
"Happiness is a warm ass cheek..... almost as pleasurable as a barium enema, wouldn't you say?"
The head coach of the United States was relaxing his body and surreptitiously pooping at his hotel in Atlanta after getting knocked out of the Gold Cup and visiting the Clermont Lounge for some comfort.
"Only the steely embrace of Blondie and her beer crushing boobs of glory can make me forget about the heading prowess of Darren Mattocks," said Klinsmann as rescue crews attempted to remove the hot seat that was fused to his ass. "While it is true that we did not win on the field, I killed it at the Clermont and I had all the ladies in the place saying, JA!"
While Klinsmann was unable to remove the hot seat immediately he delayed calling the paramedics until the seat was attached so tight because he feared that the paramedics response would not make it to his hotel. "I heard many fans telling Jamaican's to go home, during our loss to them. I was afraid that this basic lack of understanding how to get to Jamaica would carry over to the ability of the paramedics. Luckily it looks like they did understand how to get from point A to point B."
The Nutmeg News will have more on the hot seat of Klinsmann in the coming weeks.