Bleacher Report, Internet - With a deadline in five minutes and absolutely no creative ideas what-so-ever Dan Carson and Bleacher Report realized that they needed to dump some more crap out on the web and proceeded to poop out a "How Good Would The USA Be If Other Athletes Played Soccer" article, which was just dusted off from their earlier "How Good Would Danica Patrick Be If She Was A Porn Star" article.

In This Photo: More work spent on the photoshop of players faces than the actual idea behind the article

Carson was quoted as saying, "Yeah, we all know this article is a pile of shit, and bleacher report is, by and large, a pile of shit; however I didn't have any ideas left in the tank and it has been a few months since someone wrote down this stupid thought exercise of nfl/nba/mlb players to soccer."

Carson remained unapologetic about the methodology that required him to submit this dreck to the internet, "I don't think people understand how hard it is to come up with a 'Signs Your Coach Might Not Make It Through Season' or a 'Times Kobe Shut Down Social Media' or a 'The Most Criticized Sports Stars of the 2000s' article. It's tough work. We take lists of things that take us a few minutes of thought and try to connect them through a clickbait article that makes you think it is actual journalism. It's not easy and if you excuse me, I have to finish my '100 ways Lebron James might actually be a leprechaun' article. It is due in 2 minutes."