NEW YORK - Just in time for the Major League Soccer (MLS) playoff push (tm), the front office of MLS has released the official supporters group songbook for immediate use in all stadiums. This release of the codified standard allows all supporters groups to finally get on the same meter at the same time with regards to their songs, and allows for the integration of digital mediums (such as scoreboards and jumbotrons) to ensure that the different supporters groups are all on the same page.
"We are all individuals, so tell us...... WHAT SHOULD WE SING BETWEEN THE 13th and 14th MINUTE?!"
This new songbook includes instructions on not only the song, but the timing of which song thus allowing each group to sing the right song at the right place. An excerpt of the songbook reads as follows,
"For games that kick off at the early hour on Sundays where a scoreboard or jumbotron is not available to direct targeted singing, the following set list is appropriate and approved.
Minute 0 to Minute 10 -- We Love Ya
Minute 10 to Minute 20 -- Place Name -- Team Name (call and response), brought to you by KIA
Minute 20 - Minute 30 -- We Love Ya
Minute 30 - Minute 45 -- I Believe, brought to you by Emirates Airlines
For Sunday Games where the home team has a jumbotron or large scoreboard, you will be referred to 'open up the MLS song book to page 156 for the recitation of patriotic MLS themed vows and the singing of Seven Nation Army'
These prompts will be given with as much lead time as possible but please ensure that your group members are paying attention as the jumbotron will make the prompts at appropriate game moments."
The rule book indicates that going off set will be punished by revocation of flags and beer for supporters groups. As well, any use of profanity will result in an immediate ban and mandatory 200 minutes of counseling and therapy with a clinical psychologist.
Mark Abbot, deputy commissioner of Major League Soccer, released the following remarks of the supporters group songbook, "For many groups this will require absolutely no change in their current methodology of singing the exact same songs as everyone else. Some will have to change, but lets be honest... they will cry and moan, but they will cave. That's how the world works. All of these supporters groups will be better when we can finally sell the images of our supporters groups as 'sponsored by Audi' and have them do branded chants for a better vertical integration of our investment portfolio. Just imagine an 'I Believe.... I believe that.... I believe that the new Audi A8 has better room and features than a Mercedes Benz C-class' chant taking off around the South Ward. It's going to be excellent."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as it happens.