San Jose, CA – After defeating Orlando City’s mascot, Kingston the Lion, ex-WWF superstar The Iron Sheik has issued a challenge to Portland Timbers mascot Timber Joey for the MLS Mascot Championship of the World. We met with The Iron Shiek as he was sitting on the back of San Jose’s mascot ‘Q,’ giving him the Camel Clutch.
“KINGSTON WAS BIG TIME JABRONI! I GO TO ORLANDO AND I CRUSHED HIM. I THREW HIS FACE INTO TURNBUCKLE NOW FLORIDA HAS NEW SCARFACE. THEN I COME DOWN HERE TO SAN JOSE AND I SLAM Q AND CAUSE REAL EARTHQUAKE. THESE TWO ARE JABRONIS AND JOEY IS NEXT!”
The Shiek then body slammed Q and pinned him for a 3 count to win the fight. We then asked him what his motivation was in challenging all of the MLS mascots. “HOW CAN YOU ASK THAT?! IT IS CLEAR! I AM THE LEGEND! THESE MASCOTS ARE NOT THE LEGENDS! PEOPLE TREAT THEM LIKE LEGENDS BUT THEY WILL RESPECT ME! I WILL CRUSH THEM ALL AND BREAK THEM!”
We asked The Sheik why he had such animosity towards Timber Joey and if this was some kind of personal vendetta. “JOEY THINK HE IS BIG MAN CUTTING WOOD WHEN GOALS ARE SCORED! THIS DOES NOT MAKE HIM TOUGH! HE DOESN’T KNOW TOUGH! CHOPPING DOWN TREES IS NOTHING! I WILL TAKE TIMBERS LOG AND RAM IT UP HIS ASS!”
We contacted Timber Joey to get his response and to see if he would prefer to have a traditional or cage match. “I have no idea what The Iron Sheik has to do with soccer. Seriously. Why is he trying to challenge me to a fight? I don’t even wrestle. Why are we talking about this? Are you even a legitimate news organization?”
We met with The Sheik to present him with Timber Joey’s response when he grabbed the microphone from us and began to scream into it. “JOEY YOU ARE NOTHING! YOU CHOP LOGS! YOU POSE FOR SELFIE PHOTOS! I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT TOUGH IS! I WILL SUPLEX YOU AND BREAK YOU OVER GOALPOSTS! YOU WANT THREE POINTS SO I MAKE THREE POINTS OF PAIN IN YOUR SPINE AS I PUT YOU IN CAMEL CLUTCH! I WILL BREAK YOUR LEG! I WILL MAKE YOU RESPECT THE LEGEND!”
We contacted the WWF to get their take on this challenge and were informed that this had nothing to do with wildlife conservation so they had no comment at this time.
The Nutmeg News will keep you posted on any updates.