Baltimore, MD - Ignoring the age old advice that his father told him of never make a financial deal with a Ferengi, Jack Harrison (the first pick in the 2016 MLS Superdraft) reportedly forced a trade away from the Chicago Fire to NYCFC by utilizing 30 gold-pressed bars of latinum that he borrowed from an unnnamed man on Tuesday morning.
Anonymous man, Artist rendition.
"Hell no I wasn't going to Chicago," stated Harrison on Friday. "I already made a deal with (name redacted for safety) to buy my freedom from this draft and he made a deal with NYCFC. It's a bit like human trafficking, but at least I'm not playing in Bridgeview."
With Harrison out of Chicago, it remains unclear what this unnamed financier of Latinum will require from Harrison in order to be completely repaid. Harrison, for his part, remains defiant that he acted appropriately.
"Yes, I did the right thing. I can either go to a place where I have a small but possible chance of making it to Europe or a place where I have a better than average chance of ending my career with the Dayton Dutch Lions."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Harrison tries to learn the Two Hundred Eighty-Five Rules of Acquisition in order to force his freedom.