Boston, MA - New England Revolution fan Matt Kirby still is unsure what the village of Covenham St Bartholomew in Lincolnshire, England thinks about Major League Soccer.
"What do they think about us?! Is it ok to like this league? Do they think we are joke? WHAT DO YOU THINK, COVENHAM ST BARTHOLOMEW! Do you even know about targeted allocation money? Oh god, do you think that makes us look stupid? TELL ME I'M NOT STUPID. TELL ME IT IS GOING TO BE OK. OH GOD. PLEASE. GIVE ME SOME KIND OF AFFIRMATION THAT THIS IS ALL OK."
"Do they like us? Do they respect us? I'm not sure," said a worried Mr Kirby to his friends on Monday morning. "I just don't know. I'm very concerned about whether this specific village in England considers Major League Soccer a top tier league or a league worth following. I mean, my goodness... this is important to know."
Mr Kirby has been concerned about the appearance and understanding of Major League Soccer after finding out that some in England consider the league a retirement center for old players.
"Is that true?" stated Mr Kirby to his friends, before he began posting inane questions on social media.
"What do YOU think about Major League Soccer"
and
"What is the perception of Major League Soccer in Grimsby?"
asked Mr Kirby on a variety of different township forums overseas receiving only disinterested responses.
"I'm going to take my question to know what people think about Major League soccer to twitter and reddit. This is very concerning. I need to know what they think about our Designated Player rules and our closed system. God almighty, I need the perception of Major League Soccer from a 45 year old man from Covenham St Bartholomew. PLEASE TELL ME IF I SHOULD SUPPORT MLS OR HATE IT?!" rambled a semi-coherent Mr Kirby on Facebook.
"It is important to know what people in England think about what I'm invested in. I mean, this is absolutely vital. We must understand our own league through the perception of other people that don't really give a shit about it other than making an off handed comment on where Drogba is these days. I can't support if I know that someone in Holton le Clay thinks my league is crap."
The Nutmeg News will have more on Mr Kirby's quixotic quest when he finally gets an opinion on Major League Soccer from a 16 year old boy in Devon.