Simi Valley, CA - Direct from an open casket at the presidential library in Simi Valley, the reanimated corpse of the 40th President Of The United States, Ronald Reagan, decried the Atlanta United photoshop that showed he was in Atlanta United colors.

Ronnie finds some time to play kick around with Steve Moyers and Subway advertising pitchman Pele.

"Atlanta United is not for me," stated Reagan to a collection of shocked tourists. "I think soccer is a communist sport bent upon turning the youth of America into communist sympathizing parasites, at least that is what Nancy tells me. Folks, I'm definitely a down home fan of the American dream, Football, cheerleading and the New York Cosmos."

While Reagan stated this, he continued his folksy backwoods manner of addressing the crowd by stating that he had contacts in the great beyond that identified current members of Major League Soccer who were communist sympathizers.

"I wouldn't wear this. Red is the color of communists!"

"We must take down the communist menace by informing on those around us to ensure they don't work anymore. We must also strip away the current welfare state of Major League Soccer and remove the socialist influences therein," stated Reagan as he showed a possible shift towards supporting promotion and relegation.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when Gerald Ford announces his support of Lansing United.