Carson, CA - The Los Angeles Galaxy announced that they would enforce a "No Shirts, No Service" policy for the upcoming California Clasico game on Saturday against the San Jose Earthquakes, a move that the supporters groups for San Jose claim is designed to keep them from attending.
"Sorry boys, you all have to go."
"As part of our religious ceremony in celebrating the exulted Earthquakes, we remove our sacred garments and present our man-teat to the sun," claimed Stephan Jorgerson, high priest of the Earthquakes San Jose Ultras. "If we are forced to keep our shirts on at all times, it will be a persecution of our religious rights. We remove our shirts in support of the holy goal, the holy sacrament that shows our belief is pure, clean and not at all subject to the taint of the lower California. So say we all, and if you don't, I will punch you in the face."
While the Galaxy admit that they are implementing this new policy of turning away and removing fans for shirtless behavior and being shirtless, primarily because of the San Jose fans antics, they claim they have sufficient enough complaints from their home fans to proceed.
"We have received numerous complaints about the shape and vigor of the male physique being prominently displayed in the away section during this game. We are not sizeist, nor are we body shaming, however we do intend to keep our fans comforts in mind. With that we have instituted a 'no shirts, no service' policy for the entire stadium. This will impact both our own Galaxy fans and the visiting Earthquakes fans to ensure that the policy is fair," stated Galaxy director of public policy Laura Hanover.
In response to the policy, The Earthquakes fans state that they will go shirtless to protest the entire game from the parking lot before returning home to celebrate, without shirts, in the parking lot that surrounds Avaya Stadium.
"It is our god given right to be shirtless, to show our nipples to the sun god who blesses us with such differences from our hated Southern Californian brother. May our nipples remain proud, glorious, independent and protruding in defiance of this law," stated the San Jose Ultras to The Nutmeg News on Friday.