Boston, MA - Soccer fan, Manchester United Fan, and New England Revolution fan Nate Scarborough again refused to give his opinion on any matter regarding soccer until after he finished consuming his daily ritual of listening to 7 hours of soccer podcasts.
"So Fellaini IS a problem, but it is more to do with van Gaal's tactics! Got it!
"Do I know what happened with Fellaini recently? No. But let me listen to Men In Blazers for 70 minutes, first, and THEN I'll give you a good recap of what I think," stated Mr Scarborough to The Nutmeg News on Wednesday.
"I have a rigorous routine that I follow before I give my opinion on any of the soccer related issues that happened over the past week's action. I listen to 7 hours of soccer podcasts starting with Men In Blazers followed by Soccer Morning, The Soccer By Ives podcast, American Soccer Analysis, World Soccer Talk, Extratime Radio, The Best Soccer Show, The Midnight Ride, Red Wednesday, and Red Mancunian. At that point, then, I can feel as though I am educated enough to be able to give an opinion on something like whether Fellaini uses his elbows too much or whether Fagundez is the second coming of Jesus."
While Mr Scarborough's routine may seem rigorous, he claims that it gives him the edge that he needs in order to always seem right in front of complete strangers.
"I found that if I spend my entire day listening to podcasts, I can sound more educated about the game even if the thoughts, words, and ideas that I frequently utilize in conversation aren't mine. Granted it is a thoroughly exhausting premise that is almost guaranteed to fail some weeks, but on the days where I can't listen to 7 hours of soccer podcasts I just won't talk about the game."
Mr Scarborough said that his rigorous routine has required that he stay at work longer in order to listen to all of the knowledge that is spoon fed to him through the airwaves as he states, "I've also taken up speed walking while listening to podcasts with noise cancelling headphones. It's the only way that a passionate GFOP can really get in these 70 to 90 minute podcasts so that I stay relevant. Otherwise I just don't know what the current funny story should be that I carefully lift for my own amusment while tenderly checking to see if my friends have heard this story somewhere before."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr Scarborough starts to tell a story to himself that he heard online about tactics to see if it sounds authentic enough to have come from him.