NEW YORK - Experts in City Color analysis at New York University (NYU) have finally concluded, after an exhaustive two year study, that New York is, in fact, Burnt Umber, shocking the establishment that widely voiced their displeasure at this result on Friday.
You are both wrong! It's Burnt Umber!
"NEW YORK IS BLUE!" stated NYCFC fan Carlos Ramirez to The Nutmeg News after we informed him of the previous. "You can't convince me otherwise. What is this Burnt Umber shit?!"
Upon being informed that Burnt Umber is actually a dark Yellow, dark Orange or dark Red color in origin that can come from an amalgamation of many colors, Mr Ramierz stated, "OH HELL NO! NEW YORK IS BLUE!"
Researchers within the City Color Institute started this project upon hearing from multiple fans that New York was a certain color.
"We felt that we couldn't let bias come into play. A number of our researchers are actually soccer fans with Barcelona the predominant team, so we had to ensure that their own perceptions of what color New York is as a team and city combination is not influencing the data," stated Julia Rosenberg of the NYU City Color Institute. "We started with the theory that New York could be Red, Blue, or Green. We allowed for variables such as New York being Puce, Taupe, or even perhaps Pthalo Blue, Pthalo Green, Van Dyke Brown or Titanium White. In the end we found that New York Is Burnt Umber."
Fans of Red Bull New York and the New York Cosmos were reportedly aghast as their own proclamation of what color the city is ran aground against actual scientific evidence.
"I'll believe this shit when I believe global warming is real!" stated Red Bull fan Yancey Carlito. "New York is, and will always be Red, not Burnt Umber, Not Green, Not Smurf Blue, Not any other color. This is all a liberal conspiracy part of big color and the Pantone conglomerate who likely bankrolled this whole deal! NEW YORK IS RED!"
Fans of the Cosmos were equally aghast stating as prominent member Tim Barton stated to The Nutmeg News on Friday, "THE DATA WAS MISREPRESENTED. It was clearly interfered with by Don Garber in his perpetual crusade against the Cosmos that has resulted in a mishmash of colors that we call Burnt Umber. Has anyone ever seen an Umber before? No? We categorically deny the existence of Burnt Umber and we restate NEW YORK IS GREEN."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as fans burn swatches of Burnt Umber in the streets in the lead up to New York City FC versus New York Red Bull.