South Jordan, UT - Max Dombrovsky's effort throughout his youth soccer game was found severely lacking to all who watched as the four year old was booed off the field for his poor performance.

"THIS is the kind of effort we require, Max.
God, sometimes it's no wonder that your dad left for his other family in Harrisburg."

"I didn't drive all this way to watch someone sulk about the field and act like a little shit," stated Alice Gordon of Ogden who did, indeed, drive all that way to South Jordan watch the game. "Let's treat this game with the importance that it requires and give effort all the way through. What a little bastard."

Mr. Dombrovsky's effort was not only panned by his Aunt, but as well by neutral fans who watched the game through wine shuttered eyelids as they drunkenly encouraged their children to, "tucker yourself out."

"Yeah, that kid is a lazy piece of shit," stated Tomas Smith of West Jordan. "If I got a chance to be four years old and run around all day long without worrying about my mortgage, or bills, or that genital wart that I just found.... why I'd never STOP running. All that little bastard wants to do is pull flowers out in the corner. What. A. Dick."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Salt Lake Tribune gives Mr. Dombrovsky's efforts a 2 in their player ratings column.