NEW YORK - "Soccer hipster is DEAD" declared writer for the New York Observer Edward Lipscott, "And I need something new to utilize in a way that will marginalize and demonize any groups of fans that I disagree with, find quirky, or simply don't know anything about at all."
HOW DARE YOU SUPPORT THIS SPORT. GET OUT.
Mr. Lipscott spoke to The Nutmeg News on Tuesday about his quest for a new pejorative to replace "Soccer Hipster" as a word utilized to generalize and insult groups of fans in North America or abroad.
"We had an influx of heavy soccer-hipster usage in the early 10's," stated Lipscott, "and everything was hunky dory. We had hipsters following World Cups, hipsters in Brooklyn following Atletico Madrid, proto-anarchist-hipsters supporting St Pauli, coffee-sucking-quasi-seceding-hipsters supporting the Sounders, Timbers, and Whitecaps, anti-nationalist-hipsters supporting illogical national team sides, and provincial-hipsters supporting NPSL teams; but it is a long time coming that we journalists find another term to utilize in order to express our disdain."
Mr. Lipscott has admitted to a long list of test pejoratives that will demonize fans in a way that suggests they are both illegitimate, silly, vapid and worth mocking, but he states, "I won't release what I'm going to use til I co-ordinate the usage and release of the word across the entire continent. It's important to ensure that self-righteous bloggers, firebrands, sports radio talk show hosts, and every reporter not worth their salt utilizes this word going forward as the catch-all way to show your readership how awful these people are in life. Currently, I admit, there is nothing more illuminating than the usage of 'Soccer Hipster' in a paragraph which distinctly allows your readership to immediately peg you as an unimaginative hack and lazy writer indulging in trope. I hope to change this for the worse and eventually allow all of us to revisit soccer hipster in another 10 years."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr. Lipscott works feverishly to ensure that the soccer hipsters don't get their grubby hands on his word.