By Robert DeLeo for The Nutmeg News
Local Blogger Sam Davis has finally finished their manifesto titled, "You're Doing It Wrong" which details all the things that everyone involved in soccer is doing to piss off Davis at any one particular time.
Davis smashed the laptop used for publication of the manifesto because nothing that ever came out of it after the manifesto was published would be uniformly punctuated with as much truth. If you don't do that, you are doing it wrong, and you are the worst.
The blog post castigates everyone from every level of United States and Canadian Soccer including devotees of Major League Soccer, the USL, the NASL, the NPSL, the Canadian Premier League, the NCAA, the NAIA, Lacrosse Fans, people who casually watch Fort Lauderdale Strikers games, supporters groups, fans, casual fans, rich fans, poor fans, advocates for promotion and relegation, advocates against promotion and relegation, people who like Paul Pogba, people who read Soccernomics, the 10 fans who went to Atlanta Silverback games, statistical analysts, reporters, Brad Friedel's accent, investigative journalists, Alexi Lalas, people who hate on Alexi Lalas, people who make podcasts, people who write blog posts about soccer, and anyone who cheers harder than a polite guffaw at a sporting event because that means they are forcing it and shamelessly faking European culture.
"You. Are. Wrong.
and You're Doing It Wrong.
And Wow.
Just Wow.
You are THE WORST."
An excerpt from the first stanza of the emphatically punctuated and capitalized first salvo of the piece designed to hit straight to the heart of the matter that you are the problem and not Davis. Davis spoke to Nutmeg News reporter Robert DeLeo about the manifesto.
"I wanted to lay out the reasons," stated Davis before calling The Nutmeg News a pale imitation of other websites that is repetitive, hypocritical, isn't particularly funny and fails to make any point what so ever.
"I needed to tell everyone that they are doing it wrong with more depth and spread than Twitter would allow. While Twitter gives me the scatter gun approach of telling total strangers, the blog will illuminate HOW they are doing it all wrong. You support a team in Major League Soccer, provide income to the league and ensure the continuity of the sport? DOING IT WRONG. You support a team in the NASL, provide income to that league and follow a team in England? DOING IT WRONG. You support your local NPSL team and don't really follow your international side? DOING. IT. WRONG. Do you sing songs that you stole from Chelsea or Galatasaray or Livorno? DOING. IT. WRONG. Everybody is doing it wrong, and they need to know. And I, the arbiter of all things because I'm on the internet, am here to tell you.... YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we continue to do it wrong.