NEW YORK - In an interview with the commissioner of Major League Soccer on Friday, Don Garber stated that the current and future kit sponsor, built in fanbase, stable and expandable stadium situation, cooperative local government, energized sponsors and legacy of functional ownership are all working against Sacramento getting an MLS team in the future.

Privately Funded? WHERES THE FUN IN THAT!

"We need more speculative MLS expansion sites based in locations where soccer has already failed multiple times with variable ownership groups and no stadium solution," stated Garber to our reporter. "This whole stability, growth, and good ownership thing is BOOOOOOORING. Who wants that? We are getting married to these franchises and we want something sexy, something sleek, something completely and utterly insane. That's Florida, that's Miami, and that's where we want to be."

Reportedly, despite all the obvious advantages to expanding immediately in Sacramento, the siren call of South Beach still holds sway, despite the inability of Brand Beckham to find fans, land, or even a foothold of publicity there.

"Do we want the slow motion panning shots up the Miami coastline or a helicopter shot of cows and cornfields," stated Garber. "I think we all know which one we want. I'll take a half empty stadium in 95 degree weather as long as we can cut into an MLS game with a shot of a couple playing beach volleyball. It's gonna be great!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Sacramento continues to shoot itself in the foot with all this stability.