Rio De Janeiro, BR - International cowards and eaters of the soul of football, Sweden, again advanced in the Olympic Women's Football Tournament despite their shame spiral of depression tinged tactics which threatens to tear apart the fabric of the game in the world as we know it and reduce international competition to two groups of 11 people that just throw the ball at each other until they tire, sit down and then discuss the political ramifications of austerity measures in Berlin.
What a bunch of cowards.
According to inside sources, members of the Swedish football team have continually been beating up on their self esteem for their, "yellow-bellied and chicken" approach to the game while continuously asking if they should just stop playing, turn in their uniforms and retire to plant gardens somewhere at a community center outside Lidköping.
"The only way to play is to play like Brazil and the United States," stated Kosovare Asllani. "I don't even know what we are doing anymore. We should graciously accept our loss, or not even enter the tournament if we can't play like Brazil. Maybe there should be an Olympic standard for football that tells us all how to play so that we are competing appropriately at the games from now on."
Even Nilla Fischer agreed stating, "We tried to copy the American style. We found a tall woman who was past her prime and tried to cross the ball to her head repetitively until one of the chances went in while also sticking with this philosophy at the expense of tactical team development and integrating the upcoming youth on our squad, but it just didn't stick. I just don't know what I'm going to do... oh well, I'll go play for the gold medal."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Cowards face Germany which hasn't been demonized quite yet, but give us some time and we will work on this.