WASHINGTON - Bill Lynch, owner of the Washington Spirit, announced on Thursday that he would be designating and zoning the Maryland SoccerPlex as a safe space for (as he calls it), "direct language, free of judgement".
Our interns put about as much effort into this as Lynch did into his thought about trying to make the game about the game by moving the Anthem.
Lynch was reportedly upset by the frequent calls for the Spirit to have a LGBTQ pride night. He was, as well, furious by Megan Rapinoe's kneel down display during the United States National Anthem at the last Seattle Reign game.
After purposefully moving the playing of the anthem to after the warm ups when the teams were not on the field (in order to stifle Rapinoe's decision) Lynch stated that he was designating the stadium as a safe space for, "conservative principles and direct language".
"This place will allow for free thoughts and free words, so that I can speak my mind without criticism. I'm tired of these lesbian women, gay men, and week willed liberal activists telling me what I can and can't do. On this field I am free to call you or anyone else all the words that I want to use. I'm also requiring all players and coaches for the Spirit to read The Fountainhead and write a 2500 word report on why Ayn Rand authorizes drone strikes by the Air Force. I will tell you what, I will be DARNED TO HECK if someone criticizes the national anthem," stated Lynch to The Nutmeg News.
"I plan on using all the words that everyone tells me I can't. It's my stadium and my team. YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO. YOU CANT. YOU CANT. YOU CANT YOU CANT YOU CANT YOU CANT YOU CANT. We didn't send hundreds of people to die in Vietnam for no reason just so a soccer player could not stand for the anthem. We did it to blunt the tide of creeping communism and to stop the Russkies from fluoridating our water which was turning our sons and daughters.... you know what.... You can't call me a bigot in my own stadium."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Lynch ushers us out with a comment about whether our reporters are of Western European descent, or not.