The Nutmeg News prints opinion pieces from local contributors, at select times. Today's opinion piece comes from a Mr. Gustofson of Chatham, IL. The viewpoints and opinions of Mr. Gustofson do not necessarily reflect the viewpoints and opinions of The Nutmeg News.

Dear Nutmeg News,

Let's talk Canada.

Canada? More like Cuckada with all their healthcare and shit.

HELL NO, we don't need no Canada involved with our Soccer n'shit, and that goes with our glorious, patriotic balls.

Do we need balls draped with the socialist Maple Leaf Flag? HELL NO!

Do we need unity behind the greatest country in the world, boys on the field, our troops, Jim McMahon, the NFL and God? HELL YES!

Our balls are covered in eagles and stars and cruise missiles and pictures of Mount Suribachi on Iwo Jima.

My grandpa didn't serve on the beaches of Oahu delivering mail to watch the 6th most popular league in the United States turn into commie ball. Hell, next thing you will be telling me that we will be serving hand pies and singing British songs. OFF WITH KING GEORGE'S HEAD, just like they did during the revolution.

Putting a Maple Leaf on the balls that our boys play with is one step closer towards asking them to go full Commie.

Next thing you know they will be going to school for a degree in Women's studies and moving to California.

I say, "hell no," to the Cuckadian invasion of our balls.

I want my boys on the field to play with nothing but patriotic red, white and blue balls.

Keep our balls patriotic and sleek.

Respectfully,

Johan Gustofson

Chatham, IL