UPDATED - 11-30-2017
Analysts say that the death of five professional teams during the month of November is a new modern day record as the health of the game in North America was announced to be at an, "All time high," by the US and Canadian Soccer Federations.
HALLELUJAH!
FC Kansas City in the National Women's Soccer League, FC Edmonton and the San Francisco Deltas in the NASL, Whitecaps 2 and the Rochester Rhinos in the USL all folded during the month showing how Canada and the United States are the leading soccer countries in the world.
"I never believed that we could make it to the point where five teams failed during one month," stated the President of the US Soccer Federation, Sunil Gulati. "All I know is that it shows the health of this nation that we can have four teams fail and just keep chugging along like everything is just fine."
Reportedly, US Soccer was disappointed that the Crew weren't killed, as well, during the month of November as the death of five teams during the month would really show the standings of US Soccer on the world level.
"We had high hopes for the Crew, but we are going to be a bit delayed on that," stated Steve Reed, president of the Canadian Soccer Association. "We did get close to five when Dayton Dynamo suspended their 2018 season, but it looks like they are going to be playing in 2019. We also may get Rochester by the end of the month. So, theoretically we are still in play for five. We have a $1 bet on the over/under of the situation."
UPDATE - The Rhinos, today, announced that they would be going on hiatus for the 2018 season. We are going ahead with counting them because we are petty, horrible people.
We reached out to the commissioner of the National Women's Soccer League and received no response.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this when the death of the NASL, as a whole, happens.