Gainesville, FL - On a return to his childhood home, it was noticed that University Of Florida freshman Jimmy Feldman is clearly experimenting with promotion/relegation as he embarked on a long winded rant to his younger cousin Brooklyn about the dangers of a closed system.
“All we need is to have it….. like, now… somehow…. and the masses will be free. It’s like another state of consciousness.”
“You gotta open your EYES, man,” stated Feldman to the wide eyed and impressionable youth that looked at him from the corner of the kitchen where Feldman was holding court. “Did you know that the European leagues promote AND relegate their teams? Did you know that? Did you know that. DID. YOU. KNOW. THAT.”
Reportedly, Feldman’s behavior towards soccer started to change as he entered college and started to be exposed to peer pressure.
“I think I was the first person that really got him into sub elite European soccer clubs,” stated one anonymous soccer dealer. “It really connected with him. Man, you could tell that he was just feeling it right off the bat. Like, he was just grooving on that shit.”
Friends state that Feldman stopped talking as often about schoolwork, his family, his ex-girlfriend, Orlando City, or even the US Open Cup and started talking more about SV Darmstadt 98 and league operating structures.
"It’s impossible for anyone anywhere to care about the results of a closed league,” stated Feldman as he paused to watch a highlight from the recent Jaguars game. “No one in this country cares about ANYTHING except upward mobility. Promotion/Relegation allows teams to transcend class structure while letting them leave behind the ragged poverty of lower division football. It’s only a matter of time before EVERYTHING has promotion/relegation. Hell, life should have promotion and relegation. If it works in Darmstadt, Hesse it can work in Gainesville. Both situations and cities are directly comparable. As a matter of fact, the only reason why Gainesville doesn’t have a professional team is because there’s no chance of that team playing in Major League Soccer. We could be the Eintracht Braunschweig of the American Premier League.”
After watching a YouTube video on the league structure of Germany for the 200th time, Feldman became so entranced by the idea and identity that being an advocate of promotion and relegation allows him that he talked about quitting school to focus on spreading the message.
“I’m just going to start a twitter account and YouTube channel that will really allow me to reach everyone and let soccer fans here know that they are just communists. We need to stop subsidizing soccer and let the free market figure things out. I’ve started reading this book by an unknown novelist named Ayn Rand that talks about how it’s the responsibility of teams to only care about their own happiness which I’ve interpreted as being market value, branding and corporate profits. We need capitalism in our soccer structure and not socialism. All teams should have a fair ability to generate the most capital for their structured shareholders and… you know… the fans.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Feldman attempts to discover his own voice in the crowded online landscape.