MANCHESTER - Manchester United forward Marouane Fellaini announced, today, that he would donate his signature hair to the Balding Footballers Fund in order to draw awareness to the balding footballer epidemic currently sweeping the world.
“It’s important for others to have the same follicle opportunity that I’ve had in my life,” stated Fellaini to The Nutmeg News. “Not everyone is gifted with the same hair opportunities and It’s my turn to give back.”
Anonymous reports indicate that the Fellaini hair is already in high demand with several balding or shaved head players requesting utilization of the recently donated locks.
Artist’s Rendering
“It brings me great joy to know that my hair will live on with others that are less fortunate than me,” stated Fellaini. “What is a footballer without his ego? What is his ego without his hair? Can we destroy the ego without destroying the hair? Can we build up the hair and in doing-so create the ego? As Sartre once said, ‘By the mere appearance of the Other, I am put in the position of passing judgment on myself as on an object, for it is as an object that I appear to the Other.’ We must define the hair, the other, the ego and the superego and find the combination that shows the conscious self.”
Artist’s Rendering
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the next player to utilize Fellaini’s hair is given a suspension by the Football Association for an “inadvertent elbow”.