WASHINGTON - Citing absolutely no precedent whatsoever except whatever his syphilitic mind full of racists conspiracies came up with, President Donald Trump announced a new ban on Muslins sending the Supporters Group world into a frenzy as T.I.F.O shortages will be expected.
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The T.I.F.O index fell across the New York Stock Exchange as supporters went from Bull to Bear. Fabric purchasers and designers announced their intent to hold on to their stockpiles instead of dumping them on the open market.
"I'm a cheap man and Muslin is my only option," stated Sacramento Republic fan Carmine Williams. "This Muslin ban is not only idiotic but will eventually prevent me from making any two-poles in the stadium."
Colorado Rapids supporter Jane Thurgood stated, "This is the dumbest thing. I'm friends with Muslin. I'm not going to be afraid to use it. The President has lost his damn mind."
In an effort at reaching across the aisle, The Nutmeg News spoke to Trump supporter Williams Hargood III of Monroe, La who stated, "OBAMA WAS A SECRET MUSLIN SHARIA LAW IN DEARBORN JAMES COMEY IS A DEEP STATE OPERATIVE LIKE ALEX JONES AND EVERYONE SHOULD LUST AFTER THEIR DAUGHTER LIKE PRESIDENT TRUMP GOD BLESS LEADING US TO THE PROMISED LAND. HILLARY FOR PRISON AND ROSANNE FOR SECRETARY OF STATE HASHTAG DEPLORADORABLE.Я НЕ ТОЛЬКО РОССИЙСКАЯ СЕТЬ"
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the ISC fights the Muslin Ban at the stadiums.