Zurich, CH - The Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) announced that they would delay any World Cup 2026 announcement until they are able to accurately asess whether the three countries attempting a joint bid for the 2026 World Cup would actually turn on each other and send North America reeling into a continental conflagration in the next few years.
United................... SURE you are.
"We know that World Cup 2026 in North America would be a cash cow," stated Gianni Infantino, president of FIFA. "However, given the current rhetoric and acrimony between President Donald Trump, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and President Enrique Peña Nieto we are waiting to ensure that we don't award the 2026 World Cup to a war ravaged continent on the brink of collapse."
Insiders with the White House indicate that they feel betrayed by FIFA indicating that they recently asked their North American partners to include Russia in the bid, in an effort at expanding the footprint of the World Cup on a global scale.
"We will have the biggest World Cup the world has ever seen if we share the tournament with Moscow," stated one White House insider that The Nutmeg News found out later resigned after it was discovered that he recently ordered 2,000,000,000 used sex dolls for Scott Pruitt at the Environmental Protection Agency.
Officials with Canada and Mexico were reportedly shocked at the whole scenario as they indicated that they weren't certain where all the saber rattling was coming from as they were just trying to get an international soccer tournament inside their own borders.
However, senior Trump officials stated that they were ready to, "bomb the everloving shit out of Ottawa and Guadalajara if they started talking about tariffs and hosting the world cup again." This inflammatory sentiment was not missed by FIFA who reportedly called Monaco in another late night session of planning.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this after we find an economist and historian who isn't hiding in their bomb shelter.