NEW YORK - Total n00b Hassan Delgado reportedly, “totally fucked up, bro,” as he violated one of the unwritten rules of the supporters group that he joined by writing them down on his blog.
The first rule of T.I.F.O is that you don’t.. ok, wait, don’t write this down.
Ok, let’s start over, the first rule is you don’t tell anyone what the rules are, but also the first rule which is you don’t talk about this rule or T.I.F.O
Delgado recently attempted to navigate the insane collection of unwritten rules out there that deal with everyday conduct and behavior of a member in the supporters group that he joined before realizing that he wasn’t even certain what they were.
“I don’t know, honestly,” stated Delgado to The Nutmeg News. “One second everything was fine and the next second I was being accused of being disrespectful to the culture. I was called a person that doesn’t get it…. whatever it is and I couldn’t get anyone to define what it is, but they said if I didi’t understand it I shouldn’t talk about it even though they couldn’t talk about it unless we meet in person which they don’t want to do.”
Delgado was welcomed to the group with the usual indoctrination of askance looks and mutterings as he fumbled around with social media posts that were described as, “too eager,” and, “overly excited.”
“Yeah, he came in hot and fast wanting to do everything,” stated one anonymous supporters group member who refused to speak to our reporters through anything but an intermediary with a sealed envelope full of responses to our questions and a private untraceable phone. “It’s important for him to get it, and to get it right now and if we have to explain what it is, then he doesn’t get it and he should just fuck right off back to fucking Hyannis Port , or wherever the fuck he wants to root for fucking Throwball.”
The list of infractions given to Delgado were long and varied but included both online and in-person missteps such as, “singing the wrong but officially printed on a song list words to a song, talking to that guy everyone hates… you know who we mean…., publicly profiting from others works by not deflecting credit appropriately, talking about himself too much on his own Twitter account, not hating ownership, writing a blog using his own name, and using his cell phone in the stands.”
For his part, Delgado tried to collect all of the unwritten rules into one place in order to educate others who would join the group at a later date and was informed that this action was also an infraction of the unwritten rules.
“What a dickhead,” one anonymous comment stated to his blog with an email address of fuckyou@fuckoff.com “I hope you never come back to the stands because you don’t get it.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as this total n00b finally understands what he needs to do to get over with this crowd after he gets completely jaded in 7 years and starts mudslinging against the new crop of fans.