Orlando, FL - Noted inter-dimensional terrorist Gordon Freeman announced, by staring wordlessly at a camera and adjusting his glasses, that he would be picking up his crowbar and leading the resistance against MLS Combine after what seems like an unending eternity.
Jason Kreis wouldn’t do it and look at him.
With players in Orlando being overseen by the Transhuman Arm of the Combine Overwatch, Freeman reportedly renewed his violent struggle against the intergalactic empire by first striking out at sentient synths who roam the narrow basement corridors of Orlando City’s stadium as he repeatedly attempted to gain a foothold in his Pyrrhic quest.
We spoke to Dr. Wallace Breen, the administrator of MLS Combine, who stated, "we cannot allow and condone this kind of terrorism. We are the representatives of Combine. The players are happy here. We tell them when to pass, when to run. They are your children. Everyone wanted to know where the children were and here they are. They run, they jump, they learn, they become super soldiers. There is nothing suspicious about this. My former associate is gravely mistaken and he will learn that he needs me.”
Pundits and draft experts watching MLS Combine indicate that they are interested in the movement and play of several players who appear to be ready as USL level synths who could contribute as some kind of defensive Vortigaunt in a 4-4-2.
“I’m very interested in finding out what kind of player Darrell Jackson from Notre Dame could become,” stated Sports Illustrated journalist Dave Edwards. “After all, you look at the success that Kyle Beckerman had in the Real Salt Lake midfield with a headcrab attached and you really wonder..”
Combine security indicated that they were ready for any attempt to breach the secure perimeter as they stationed hundreds of police officers outside who will not let anyone pass until they pick up a random can.
“As we explained to Orlando City last season, we will not let them pass until they pick up a can,” stated Officer 15634223 “PICK. UP. THAT. CAN.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Freeman attempts to break the stranglehold that Combine has on the Galaxy by working with Los Angeles to increase their youth academy to senior team pipeline.