Foxborough, MA - From the parking lot of the Bass Pro Shops where he held an impromptu press conference, former head coach Brad Friedel reportedly castigated the, “corrupt news media,” for allegedly not reporting, “all the vicious beatings of players by fans that turned this Revolution team around.”

Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports
OPEN YOUR EYES, SHEEPLE

Friedel stated that it was his belief that Revolution fans took his previous words insinuating that players should be afraid for their well being and acted upon them after he was unceremoniously removed of duty.

“It’s very clear, when you look at this team, that Murph and Sully showed up to the parking lot and beat the living shit out of at least the backline,” stated Friedel to The Nutmeg News who had a reporter that happened upon the impromptu press conference as she was shopping for stink bait and waders. “You can see it in their eyes. They have the proper amount of fear and and respect for the effect a wooden bat can have on their body.”

New England Revolution officials state that no assaults have taken place and referred any requests to the police department as they stated, “This is pure lunacy. None of our players have been attacked by anyone and we will not broach that subject.”

For his part, Friedel stated, “Of COURSE they would say that. They are in a secret cabal to repress the news of the nightly assaults that happen in the parking lots. There’s no explanation other than a collection of really brutal individuals have been picking out a player and beating them into the MLS team of the week.”

The Nutmeg News reached out to the Town Of Foxborough Police Department who stated that they would not comment on any matters, but that no crime was reported at or near the parking lots of the stadium.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Brad Friedel starts his own news network called SoccerWARZ to spread the REAL TRUTH ABOUT THE REVOLUTION.