Blowing Rock, NC - Marketers for USL League One side Northern Blowing Rock Tortuga FC stated that the success of Forward Madison’s branded potatoes lead to a League One promotional vegetable arms race as the USL side state that they are considering a branded rutabaga promotional opportunity.
Where the MAGIC happens!
“We see the branded team vegetable market as a massive growth opportunity,” stated director of marketing Dan Smith. “First we start with Rutabagas, but who is to say that we don’t sell branded carrots, branded heirloom tomatoes, branded bok choy, branded organic squash, branded organic non-gmo watercress, branded sunchokes, branded eggplant, and branded pumpkins. Just think about branded beetroot, branded cauliflower, branded courgettes, BRANDED CUCUMBER, branded leeks, tubers, and kohlrabi. We could offer a microscopic branded pea cut cut with a tiny laser! The sky is the limit, honestly.”
According to Smith, the thing that will set them apart is their use of actual branding irons on the vegetables.
“We are building a set of custom branding irons to emblazon our logo on the side of any vegetables that we get. Then we will upload the options to our website and BINGO, you get a giant amount of official Northern Blowing Rock Tortuga FC branded Radicchio for your salad and ballad dinner party.”
With the vegetable arms race heating up to a fervent boil, other teams in USL League One are considering even more promotional opportunities.
“We are trying to corner the women’s market with our new line of branded Feminine pads, tampons and diva cups,” stated the marketing manager of Eastern Fredonia Olympia AC. “We want to be known that we are sympathetic to the needs of our ever expanding fanbase, some of whom want to connect their menstruation to their sporting teams. When you think of your monthly cycle, think of Eastern Fredonia Olympia AC!”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the League One promotional arms race reaches a fever pitch and then Nick Hornby writes a book about it.