Charlotte, NC - The Florida Soccer Soldiers battled through their recent clash against the Charlotte Independence as the amateur side defeated the USL Championship side in a US Open Cup wargame to prepare for the upcoming catastrophic disaster known as the Invasion of Iran.
HOORAH!
“They came out in a phalanx,” stated Independence manager Jim McGuinness. “After a pitched battle, one of their men went down, but they hung around and delivered blow after blow.”
The Soccer Soldiers stated that they were simply working on the organization and techniques they will need for the upcoming and all-consuming war with Iran as they looked forward to another 16 year war with no ending date.
“We’ve always been at war with Iran,” stated Soccer Soldier PFC Sanders. “This battle against Independence really taught us about working together as a team, and that will come in handy when we are sent in on the front lines of the coming global conflagration.”
With tensions rising, the Department of Defense would not confirm or deny using the Soccer Soldiers on the front line, but the men prepared for the upcoming campaign as though they would go, regardless.
“We must be prepared, whether we are battling on the streets of North Carolina or the streets of Tehran,” stated Sergeant Suazo. “Regardless of where we go, the Soccer Soldiers will be ready, I can guarantee that.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the war drums continue to beat.