NEW YORK - Major League Soccer announced, today, pneumatic cannon ball stands behind the goalkeepers and a new MULTIBALL mode for the upcoming Leagues Cup 2nd district Quarter Quell games.
MAJOR
LEAGUE
SOCCER
“We are excited for the ON BRAND on fleek upcoming law changes,” stated director of radness for the Leagues Cup Dirk “Tubthumper” Williams. “Everyone in the United States has been saying that soccer is too boring for far too long. There’s only one answer to that….. BALL STANDS AND MULTIBALL!”
Sources within the Leagues Cup state that MULTIBALL will be instituted if the players on the field hit a branded gong three times during a five minute span. The Chick-fil-A Gong will be placed 25 feet above the head of the supporters section for each team. MULTIBALL will last for 5 minutes during which time there will be two legal balls jettisoned onto the field by a pneumatic air cannon attached to the Ball Stands behind the goal keepers.
BALL STANDS! Won’t SOMEONE think of the ball children impact by this?
“If a player manages to hit the gong 4 times during MULTIBALL, then an additional ball will be added to the field for a three ball MULTIBALL bonus,” stated Williams. “If players then light up letters on the ad boards that spell out Budweiser then they will gain an additional 100,000 points and they may trigger a bonus mode where six balls will be jettisoned into the middle of the field, offside doesn’t exist and all referees will ignore challenges for five minutes. ANYTHING GOES! BLOOD MUST FLOW! GOALS WILL HAPPEN! MLS! LEAGUE OF CHOICE!”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Leagues Cup debates adding a libero player for both teams who uses only trampolines to cover the distance between goals.