Dallas, TX - Stuart Anderson of Dallas reportedly spent the afternoon burning all his Major League Soccer merchandise after the announcement that Major League Soccer would be abandoning AdvoCare ReHydrate for BODYARMOR as the official sports drink of Major League Soccer.
BODYARMOR! Brought to you by useless ingredients, generic unverified claims and a celebrity endorsement that means literally nothing! TRY THIS BULLSHIT TODAY! WOOOOOO CAPITALISM!
“THE M IN MLS STANDS FOR MONEY,” stated Anderson as he contacted the fellow members of his ReHydrate Ultras supporters group. “We support the league and unfettered capitalism we spend all our time and energy on T.I.F.O, songs, and chants for ReHydrate and after four years MLS unceremoniously dumps ARH to the curb? I don’t think so. This is some bullshit!”
Anderson was so infuriated by the decision to not renew the contract with Advocare that he filmed an Instagram story as he lit his MLS AdvoCare merchandise on fire in the front driveway of his home.
“They will never have this fan back again,” stated Anderson. I cannot support any organization that would overlook my unrestrained devotion to Advocare ReHydrate. No true MLS fan would support BODYARMOR. It doesn’t even make any sense. It doesn’t say ReHydrate. I don’t want Armor, I want to ReHydrate.”
In the mean time, members of the ReHydrate Ultras Supporters Group started a petition to reinstate AdvoCare ReHydrate as the full time sponsor of Major League Soccer as they begin a boycott on any new products created by the BODYARMOR group.
“We must stand together and support AdvoCare in this trying time. If we won’t think of the corporation who will. Screw the greedy players and greedy commissioner. They are all off stuffing their face with the profits from their dalliance with this shameful product. We MUST as a country take care of our multi level marketing companies because otherwise who will sell sugar water to 13 year olds and invite former high school classmates to legging and beauty supply workshops in the future if they disappear? BRING BACK REHYDRATE! CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE!”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Gatorade Coalition challenges the ReHydrate Ultras to a battle royal sponsored by Amway.