Sports fans were reportedly dismayed at the extreme parity in Major League Soccer (MLS) as all 26 teams in the league remained on the same points at this point in the season.

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/303376345_Parity_in_European_Football_Leagues

“This is just an example of the socialist leftists invading this country and our glorious sports history,” stated Gerald Williams of Elko. “You would never see 26 Baseball teams tied on points. Hell no. My generation didn’t sit and listen to our father’s generation talk about storming the beaches of Normandy to let socialism ruin the sport we spent the last 30 years talking crap about.”

According to Jeannie Evans of Broomfield, Colorado, the Broncos fan was concerned about the message that this kind of parity sends to children.

“What does it show them when we enforce this kind of socialism in our sports league? Does this teach them that they are all special, because they aren’t. There’s a bunch of really terrible kids out there that should know they are terrible,” stated Evans. “You would never see this kind of parity in the NFL because that is our capitalist market at work. I read an article on a website that said that antifers are taking over the youth via soccer in order to get them to vote for Bernie Castro. We must stop this.”

Statisticians claimed that there was a specific reason for the parity oddity at this point, but our reporters weren’t interested in a bunch of eggheads making stuff up.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as someone makes a joke for the 1,000,000th time about parity/parody.