Austin, TX - Area moron and elected dickhead Dan Patrick stated, during a recent television interview, that he is willing to sacrifice your grandma to COVID-19 as long as Halliburton stock goes up 40 points.

“THE STOCK MARKET IS GOD, PRODUCE THE FOURTH QUARTER PROJECTIONS,” stated Patrick as he ranted and raved about the coming doom times where people simply aren’t producing things for consumption.

“We were born to consume! The factories must be restarted! We must repeal the Fair Labor Standards Act and put our nations 10 year olds back to work in the munitions factories and coal mines! WE MUST CONSUME!”

According to sources close to Patrick, he, allegedly, began losing his mind as he began freebasing Chloroquine mixed in with a light dose of ether to take in the news every evening.

“GOD IS IN THE STARS, WE MUST SACRIFICE OURSELVES TO HIS BACTERIA. NONE SHALL LIVE WHILE THE OTHERS SHALL NOT ALSO NOT DIE. THAT’S IN ACTS. GOD WANTS US TO DO A LOT MORE COCAINE, YOU SEE.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Patrick still figures out a way to save himself from the danger of COVID-19