CHICAGO - In an effort to woo international superstar Lionel Messi, the Chicago Fire made a promise to the player that they won’t ruin the international legend this time.
“What happened with Schweinsteiger, it was new,” stated Chicago Fire public relations official James Hughes. “We didn’t know what we were doing, clearly. We can learn from that. We promise to value your career and your accomplishments. We promise we won’t move you to goalkeeper without consulting you first.”
“We are going to do everything to acquire and keep him here” said Fire owner Joe Mansueto,” We will treat him like we did Schweinsteiger but even better. He’ll get all the Malort he could drink, and the option for a complimentary upgrade to Business Class on one of our flights to Canada.”
Fire fans were reportedly thrilled with the prospect of Messi to the Fire as they came out in support of the prospect.
When asked if he’d like Messi on the team, Chicago Fire fan Albert Rossiello said “Change the logo. I don’t care. Change the logo!”
“I would love Messi,” said Carl Dabrowski, who made it a point to say he’s been a fan since 1998,” but he’s getting booed if he doesn’t score 3 goals his first game. I’ll do it. I’ll boo him. I don’t care.”
The Nutmeg News will have more as Messi receives a text from Wicky asking if he has ever owned goalkeeper gloves before.