NEW YORK - Today, Major League Soccer (MLS) announced a tag team grudge match to decide first place in the west with Tim Melia and The Rock taking on Cristian Roldan and ExtraTime pundit Stone Cold Steve Austin at Children’s Mercy Park in Kansas City.

Growling, “THERE WILL BE NO MERCY IN THE PARK THIS TIME, CHILDREN,” a jacked up Andrew Weibe handed the microphone to Melia who expressed that the Seattle Sounders were, “Jabronis, first and foremost, who needed a good SMACKDOWN…. if you smell what Melia is cookin.”

Sources indicate that the match will be a straight forward Tag Team match as Roldan escort Brian Schmetzer ruled out Ladders and Chairs.

However, the lack of dangerous implements at the fight did nothing to calm down the vitriolic trash talk from the players and pundits.

Roldan took to the microphone to challenge The Rock/Melia pairing stating that he was going to, “stomp a metaphorical mudhole in so-called Dwayne,” as he smashed a Coors Light flavored BODYARMOR can against his forehead and gave the camera the finger.

For his part, The Rock declined to be interviewed as he sent a publicist who stated that the former wrestler was currently in Zambia shooting scenes for a biopic on the life of David Livingstone.

Finally the microphone was given to ExtraTime Pundit Stone Cold Steve Austin who stated, “Stone Cold says that Cristian Roldan was in the right. What we see in this video is just the beginning. It’s not gonna be Mercy Park after we get done with this match because Austin 3:16 says that we are going to whoop your ass.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as VAR overturns Austin 3:16 after finding that it was one toenail over the line.