Chicago Red Stars "December To Remember" Sales Event Features Low Mileage Midfielders And Lease Options On Goalkeepers

CHICAGO - On a day filled with blockbuster trades, the Chicago Red Stars, today, launched their “December To Remember,” sale as they moved six players to other teams in the league.

“WE ARE WHEELING AND DEALING AND OPEN FOR BUSINESS,” stated the Red Stars staff. “Look at this low mileage midfielder! Why she barely has any game time at all!”

Sources indicate that the Red Stars were offering low financing options and signing gifts for the teams if they decide to take a player home.

“Buy one get one 50% off,” stated the Red Stars advertisement. “Each midfielder comes with a set of practice cones, a Chipotle gift card, and a 30 day money back guarantee. Come take a look at our goalkeepers now available at our low, low 3% interest rates.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Red Stars claim that the terms and conditions of the sale indicate that you can’t return a player if they break down once they leave the team.