Cancún, Mexico - Right winger Ted “the senator” Cruz was reportedly spotted by a number of eager online sleuths departing to Liga de Expansión side Cancún F.C. as his transfer is pending depending a physical.

“Cruz is looking for a new beginning somewhere warm,” stated one insider source. “The owner of Cancún F.C. insulted his wife and his father so Cruz immediately pledged his undying love to the team.”

Sources indicate that the deal contains several non-extradition contract details in case of criminal prosecution as Cruz reportedly attempts to protect himself, however rumors keep swirling that the overall deal might be stalled.

“Cruz showed up and claimed he was heading home,” stated one local source. “Then he said that he would only stay if Cancún F.C. built a wall to protect his house from anyone that might see him. Then he said that he would only stay if all the players on the team stated that they hated his guts. It’s a very confusing time.”

Operating as a spokesman for himself, Cruz emailed our reporters decrying the leaks in the media stating, “We didn’t intend for there to be a transfer saga in the middle of a statewide tragedy, but my stupid kids couldn’t keep their mouths shut. I wanted to stay in Austin but my in laws are so miserable. They are really the worst. Definitely high on my list of all my relatives I hate The only way this could be any worse for me is if I was stuck back in the living hell I created back home. SMELL YOU LATER, LOSERS.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a shivering resident of Fredericksburg keeps reminding himself that all of this is preferable to socialism and… anyway… this weather just shows that global warming is a myth.